leaving

- do you want me to leave?

— i don’t think i’m at that point yet

there’s the crossroads.

option #1: talk it out. find out what the problems are, probe into it. this is tricky. you have to be concise and to the point but open. when you’ve already had the conversation twice, the third time risks pushing things into an irreconcilable malaise. nobody wants to spend their time with someone who reminds them of poorly phrased attempts at recreating scenes from dramatic romance movies. you have to make your points, attempt to find a common ground and move on to ordinary. this will be once too many. in football terms, this is a precision pass play on 4th down at the 30 with seconds on the clock, when you can either kick a FG for the tie or gain a first down and go for the touchdown to win. 

option #2: ignore it. let the issue die a natural, quiet death. deal with a few days of awkwardness until human nature and inertia takes over and things return to ordinary by the sheer power of the universe and our desire to avoid change. the issue will return later. this is a field goal - tie, play for overtime. change the stakes and the momentum. 

option #3: swear. walk out the front door. smoke a half pack of cigarettes and brood. this is running backwards for ten yards and then chucking a lateral towards your own endzone. 

option #4: silence. this is punting. you will lose, but it might take a lot longer. even if you win, you’ve revealed a spineless character. 

- well i don’t know what to do, then.

— me neither. 

you’ve done none of these options. this is a timeout. your teams will regroup and return to the field in the same situation in moments. 

- i want to stay

— ok

you have decided to drop back and pass. the defense is responding with fundamental pass coverage. can you hit the receiver on the slant across the middle at the sticks?

- because i love you.

— …

you have forgone the first down and fired a deep fade to the corner of the endzone for the win, right here, right now. 

it was incomplete. 

you are now at their mercy. 

- nothing?

— i don’t know.

they have kneeled the ball, and the clock is ticking to an inevitable end. 

in days, you will pack your emotional and physical bags and leave forever.

later, you will remember it as the best loss your team ever had.