tired decisions

i drink the coffee because i have to, because i do it everyday, because if i don’t i’ll end up laying on the couch with a city construction project running in my head.

but that wakes me up, and then i have to think. which means i have to be reminded of how tired i am and feel the dull sense of confusion that runs through my brain when i’m actually awake.

so, i drink the coffee. because it brings on a different hurt, a hurt that i’m somewhat convinced is less painful than the hurt it prevents, and then i’m confused, because maybe the hurt i’m trying to prevent is better for me than the hurt i invite in. 

we make choices, and we try to live with the consequences.